Of love, leagues and relationships

It was a lovely day in Betelguese. Arthur, with his head inside a newspaper, was sitting in a corner of the restaurant at the end of the universe. His retina caught the reflection of a female figure in his spectacles. Turning, he saw that the female figure had a familiar face - it was Tricia, his good friend; and she looked upset.

"Tricia", bellowed Arthur, drawing the attention of all the patrons of the restaurant.

Tricia acknowledged, walking towards him with a sad, burdened walk, not unlike that of a daily- wage earner who just lost his day's pay. She took the chair opposite Arthur's and sat down, taking a tissue to wipe a single tear that rolled down her cheek. Arthur asked: "Hey, what's the matter?"

Arthur had met Tricia through a professor of History at the Vogon University. Tricia, a student of art, was writing a thesis on the significance of art in Arthur's religion - Whotheheckisgod. Arthur, a self-confessed fan of anyone interested in his religion, was more than happy to answer her questions. They got along so well that they continued to meet even after Tricia completed her thesis, sharing a bond that Arthur shared with very few women. Arthur was Tricia's vault - a storehouse of her feelings, secrets, anecdotes and darkest thoughts.

Still sobbing, Tricia said: "Zaphod broke up with me this morning. He said he was no longer in love with me, and that I should go and find someone else. How could he do this to me!? After all the years we spent together!? I think he is with that b*ch, Trillian!"

Tricia and Zaphod had been going steady since their high school days. Zaphod was the only guy Tricia had dated, and her vault was full of plans for their marriage, children and the like. Trillian was the captain of the college cheer-leading squad, and made no secrets about her 'love' for Zaphod.

Arthur exclaimed: "My god! I'm so sorry!". The ridiculousness of invoking something that doesn't exist got to him, and then, handing a tissue to Tricia, said, "Why? What happened? You guys were so good together!"

Tricia replied: "Don't you understand? We weren't in the same league!"

"What league!?", asked a confused Arthur.

"Leagues", replied Tricia, rather impatiently. "I wasn't in his league...or to say it in geek-speak, I wasn't in the same level as Zaphod!"

"Oh. How do you know what league anyone is in?" asked Arthur, his curiousity overcoming his concern for his friend's distress.

"That is easy", replied Tricia. "In geek-speak, it is a function that takes a person's looks, age, bank balance, intelligence, figure, face, colour, smartness, popularity, confidence, and many such factors, and returns an integral value which indicates the person's position in the social ladder."

"Neat.", commented Arthur. "So, why weren't you in his league?"

Tricia replied: "You see, he is a football player. That gives him immense popularity. And he is smart. Me? I'm just a geek who gets straight A's. " [with a sad tone] "Guys like him don't fall for me... "

Confused, Arthur asked: "So, football players and cheerleaders are at the top of the social ladder?"

"Yeah. Add movie-stars, rock stars and basketball players to the list and you have the pharoahs of modern society. And remember, no one wants to date someone below their league. The least that is expected of a prospective partner is that he/she is at least in one's own league."

"No wonder." thought Arthur. Then, he asked: "How do you move up in the social ladder?"

Tricia replied: "That isn't easy. Plastic surgery is an option. Another option is to dumb down. A third is to become a guitar player, or a sportsperson. Ofcourse, money helps, but you only attract gold-diggers. Oh, and then, there are the social jet-pax."

"Social jet-pax?", Arthur asked increduously.

"Yes. jet-pax. Like winning a million dollars in a lottery. Or, in high school, having your parents buy you a cool car."

"Ah." Arthur was now seeing ladders and rungs everywhere. Then, as quietly as he could, he asked: "What about software engineers? Which rung are they in?"

Tricia smiled, knowing the consequences of her answer. With a flourish that only she could muster, she said, "Why don't you tell me when you find out?", and walked out of the restaurant.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: With sincerest apologies to Douglas Adams. But hey, 'inspiration' is the sincerest form of flattery, isn't it!?

PS-2: Geez! What have I done! I've imitated the 'inspired one'!!!

PS-3: Now a mythical friend of mine is salivating (PS-3)...

X-box: To be fair to the competition. I just noticed that my orkut profile says I'm 100% sexy. Considering the number of girls I know, and considering that you need at least three votes to get such an entry, this is a scary figure, to say the least!

X-box 360: Zimply. To complete the quintet.

More random thoughts

Ever since 2007 began, I've found that I'm unable to focus on anything properly. I don't know why. I thought that a probable reason is multiple responsibilities at work, and the pressure of having to deliver on all of them simultaneously;but that has been the case for the past three years at least, and isn't new. Well, it may be some untoward pressure at home, but that too isn't new. :) And that is reflecting on my writing. My posts are turning into collections of random thoughts, as opposed to being a (hopefully) clear argument on a topic.

Anyways, my first random thought is GUI design again. Now, Blogger, Gmail, and other services prompt you to save your work if you try exit the page. But how does that prompt read? "Are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?" And the options are "OK" and "Cancel". Now, consider a real life situation - A shop-keeper asks: "Would you like to pay by credit card?" Do you say: "Cancel"? Your mom asks: "Would you like some coffee?" Think what her reaction will be if you say "Cancel"! Why can't they simply use: "Yes" or "No"? "Are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?". "Yes". Are you sure you want to kick those UI designers where it hurts? Yes. And do you want to change the topic? A definite YES.

Next, is the Nanny State. Funny how both software and government tend to babysit everyone, treating their customers and citizens as three-year-olds. Consider, for example, the entire Shilpa Shetty incident. A second-rate person in a third-rate show called her something. And by God, India is insulted! The government even goes to the extent of issuing tongue-in-cheek ads in British newspapers, inviting Jade-whatever to come to India!? Why? Is Shilpa Shetty a three-year-old who didn't know the 'anything goes' rule of reality shows? Is she a defenceless rape victim who cannot afford a lawyer? Wait - there were rape victims in Noida - what did this government do about them? How did they help relieve the pain and suffering those parents endured due to State incompetence?

Banning TV shows. Issuing tirades against foreign citizens. Reneging on contracts. All contributions of the Manmoron government. Go, moron, go!

Random thoughts on a lame Sunday

After a rather hectic early-weekend, I decided to cool off, and take it easy on Sunday. I did nothing but sleep and watch the tube. And of course, now I'm putting down my random jottings on (e-)paper.

BSNL has finally increased my bandwidth to 2 Mbps. Free of charge. By God, does the connection rock!? My favourite videos (one of them here) on YouTube download like I'm downloading them on the corpnet! And how does BSNL inform you about it? In true PSU style. No, they don't take out TV commercials. They don't even bother sending you an e-mail. The director mentions it in passing, at a press conference, and your service records show your new bandwidth!

On an aside, this is the kind of mixed economy that Nehru envisaged. A healthy private sector that competes. Free PSUs that drive the private sector to better its services without only competing on price or on monopolies. Remember, it is BSNL's initiatives that have made broadband so cheap and accessible, not to mention reliable.

While on the topic of freedom, there is another debate going on about the incendiary video of an actor depicting Gandhiji in poor light. The nation's leaders are furious. They want to censure two channels for telecasting the video, and may have already asked YouTube to delete the video. All this begs the question - is the nation insulted by a ridiculous video, or is it insulted by these 'leaders' - who in the immortal words of Nissar Ahmed, fatten up on the flesh of the poor? What would Gandhiji have been more ashamed of? The fact that there are still people in this country that go without a square meal everyday, or some idiot depicting him doing a pole dance?

A free nation that can't tolerate humour, however tasteless it may be, is not a free nation. You cannot have freedom of speech and expression without getting people agitated when you exercise your right to it. And by bowing to the agitated, we only destroy the idea of India. We destroy the idea that a 5000 year old nation, however steeped in inequalities it may be, can aspire to a democratic life. We destroy the tolerance, nay, acceptance that is the hallmark of Indian life. We destroy the hope of sustaining a argumentative society of 1 billion.

Anyhoo...in the recent days, there has been a great deal of focus on the education sector in India. On how to improve primary education, how to make university education more research-oriented, and to sum it all up, on how to make India an educated country. Here is my suggestion to improve primary education - particularly in government schools.

Force every bureaucrat and politician to send his/her child to a different government school such that all government schools have a significant number of politician/bureaucrat kids.

Do this, and every government school will rival DPS. And the quality of education will automatically improve.

(Post script: If you ever see this idea get implemented, remember you heard it first here. :) )

Technology notes Vol 1, Issue 3 Jan 07

Welcome to the third issue of Technology Notes. This time we'll talk about silver bullets in software development and GUI design. I'll also write about a related topic: that of managing technologists.

* Graphical User Interface design

Most people incorrectly think that GUI design is simply a matter of dragging and dropping cute (or not-so-cute) buttons from a toolbar onto a flat surface. Furthermore, many UI designers go by the adage "Cute is user-friendly" - i.e. the fancier the interface (metallic buttons, colourful pictures and the like), the better. Form over function. Just like the times.

Ofcourse, it is ridiculous. And the best example comes from nature. Look at any predator on Discovery, Animal Planet or NGC. A cheetah in full flight is one of the most amazing sights in nature. Why is it so sucessful? Simple. every bone, every muscle, every organ in the cheetah is designed for one thing - catching prey. Nature gives no room for excess baggage. Unfortunately, with software you have a lot of leeway. While every bit of software we write must be designed towards meeting the user's need, often we see more focus on frivilous form...often at the cost of functionality.

Such features are common place. Heavy e-mail interfaces that take ages to load, instead of plain HTML. Tiny, non-standard, fancy buttons that are hard to access and understand, instead of neatly placed standard buttons and icons. Gimmicky features that force users to upgrade their machines. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that all fancy UIs are bad, or that they don't have their place. For instance, a program that teaches kindergarten arithmetic cannot and should not use a standard Windows interface. However, user interfaces should never sacrifice the principles of orthogonality, affordances, learnability, closure and consistency over ephemeral feelings that won't last beyond the first use. See (an old) UI hall of shame here. See Microsoft guidelines here and in the interests of balance, the Mac guidelines here.

* Silver bullets in software engineering
(This is based on a discussion I had with a friend in the corridors at work.)

Fredrick Brooks wrote a seminal paper on software engineering where he mentioned that there were no silver bullets in software engineering or that there was no one technique which provided a solution for the various problems of complexity and cognition that software engineers face. However, with every new technology that is introduced today, we hear choruses of cheer - that the complexity of software development is conquered. Recall the hype over Java, Graphical User Interfaces, Rapid Application Development, and the dozens of technologies that we don't even remember today, and you'll appreciate what I'm talking about. However, we still haven't gotten over our search for silver bullets. Consider the problem of performance. The answer? multi-threading. Consider user-land complexity: how do you solve it? Simple, make it a Graphical User Interface! Never mind that multi-threading works only when the threads perform more-or-less independent tasks. Never mind that command-line UIs work really well for most applications, provided they offer a little bit of user-guidance to flatten the learning curve. BTW, try using Intervideo's DVD creator to make a data DVD and let me know if you wouldn't rather have an app that does this:

cd /home/fordvd
dvdwrite -f data /home/fordvd/* /dev/dvd

Anyway, lets move on to the final topic of this edition:

* Managing Technologists.

Before I write anything on the topic, let me acknowledge that I haven't managed people formally. I've led small teams, mentored people, worked with super-cool teams and am having an amazing run of luck as far as managers are concerned. Anything I write here is based on those experiences. Here are some things I think are a must if you're managing technical people:

- Good quality of work. Ok, you may not be able to ask your people to work on a static analysis project that defies the decidability of the halting problem. But the work you ask people to do must challenge their intellect. Suppose all you do is maintenance, see if you can get an additional project that furthers your product. If you do product development, try and find cool problems that your engineers can solve.

- Respect your engineers. Never ask them to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Don't shift the grunt work onto the shoulders of your reportees. Don't ask them to build a system twice. Don't ask them to solve a solved problem. Trust them - but question their assumptions. Praise honestly and publicly when they do well - rebuke gently when they don't.

- Be the "Facade" pattern. Shield your reportees from the politics of your organization. Make their achievements public. Remember that their failures are yours but their successes their own.

I'll add more when I get them.

Post 150, New year and so on.

Folks, this is my 150th post. Neat, eh? And to commemorate it, I've decided to make it the last post of this year - 2006.

The year started with me being coming back refreshed from a trip to Kansas City. And it is ending with me being not-so-fresh in a new company in Bangalore itself. In case you wondered, its been a good year for me overall - I got to keep all but one of my new year resolutions for the year! I finished a (half) marathon, wrote more than 52 posts on this blog, bought my car, fell in love, fell out of it, changed jobs, made new friends, renewed old contacts, read 23 new books, got a couple of awards, and was never bored for most of the year.

At the same time, I left a place that was really dear to me, lost a great manager, lost one good friend to an argument, lost face once, *never* practised the violin - something I swore I'd do, and...well, let's leave it at that.

So, what are my resolutions for next year? Here goes:
- Better my half-marathon time,
- Get some serious violin practice
- Get some piece of authorship out in public
and some more...maybe I'll add them in later. :D

Anyways, have a great new year ahead. Thanks for reading my blog, and may 2007 bring you here more often, even as it brings you far more happiness and joy than you can ever handle.

Bangalore Autos

Having travelled regularly for over two years in Bangalore autos, I've had my share of auto-rejections. The drivers may have been different, the destinations I wanted to reach may have been different, and so were the times-of-the-day when I hailed the autos, but there has been a general pattern of how I've been asked to GTH. Here goes:

The "Devdas" driver: This person is actually sad to let go of your fare. He puts on a sorry face, and with a voice that reminds you of that loser, Devdas, asks you to find an other auto. Of course, it maybe that he's simply sorry about something else, but at least you get to hear a kind word. Needless to say, his species is rather rare in the ecosystem of Bangalore autos.

The "Amitabh" driver: He is ANGRY. You've just brought him down to near stopping speed from his usual "take-you-closer-to-god" speed, and not just that, have dared asked him to go to a place where he doesn't want to! And beyond that, you have the audacity to quote the rulebook, and tell HIM that he has to take you where YOU want to go!? Persist, and you get a quick lesson in the "Art of Kannada scolding". Ofcourse, his species dominates the ecosystem - much like rats in a sewer.

The "Nero" driver: He is the indifferent one. He couldn't care if you existed, or if you wanted to go somewhere. All he knows is that you are too insignificant to be registered in his intellectual and visual radar. A quick glance, and you are consigned to the fumes of the exhaust, as he haughtily turns forward and speeds away.

Any more that you guys know of? Post it in the comments!

The true face of a communist revealed

For eons, we've been brought up on a steady diet of homilies about Communism. On how the communists treat everyone equally. How there is no "Maelu keeLu" in commie-land. And how even the biggest CEO gets the same treatment as the 'lowly' peon, whose cause the commies never refuse to champion.

Apparently. But we all know how different the truth really is. And giving us a little glimpse into it was the Lord of the Lok Sabha, Somnath Chatterjee, also known as "The Impartial Master".

When recently, the opposition BJP created a hullabaloo about JMM leader Soren having to resign, he said: "This is pathetic. We take pride in being the largest democracy. Is this the way we function? Is this the example we are setting? That is why even a cricket coach is abusing us." (emphasis mine)

Even a cricket coach? Even a cricket coach? How high should you be on arrogance to say such a thing!? According to this worthy, everyone is equal, except cricket coaches. Oh, and to them, let's add the middle class, the rich, the software engineers, the professionals, the non-communists and the others. After all, they are just after a good, decent, legal life and don't have the "Great Communist Cause" to dedicate their lives to. And then, we can add the businessmen - how dare they make money! And so on, except ofcourse the loyal, sincere, pro-poor, pro-undertrodden, business-class-flying, five-star-hotel-staying, million-dollar-illegally-earning commies, and their junkies.

Equality. Yeah, right!

The Rajinder Sachar report, Part I

Ok, so you've heard of the Rajinder Sachar committee report. At the least, you've heard of a report doing the rounds - the one which first tried to split the army across communal lines, and later lamented the poor state of Muslims in the country.

The conclusion of the report is something we all expected. Muslims are worse off in many areas of health, education, employment than even the Dalit community. Most Muslims live in ghettos, in slums, and have lower-than-average access to credit, to education, and to jobs. The only area where the community has adequate representation, the report says, is in our jails. Sordid.

No one can argue with the conclusions of the report, in terms of the facts presented. However, once the report came out, we had the usual cacophony of voices, criticising all and sundry for the community's backwardness, arguing how the discriminatory Indian state was jailing more Muslims considering them to be terrorists, and of course, asking for reservations for Muslims, further reservations for Dalit Muslims, and so on. Fortunately, it didn't reach a high enough crescendo to actually ask for reservations in Parliament!

We should examine these arguments in some detail. Let's take the easiest one first - the question of a far higher Muslim "representation" in our jails than in the population. Why is this so? But before that, we should ask, is it really a sign that the state discriminates against Muslims? To answer that question, we should impose another question on ourselves. Is the number of criminals 'produced' by a community only a factor of its population? So, should we have precisely 80% Hindu criminals, of which 52% are OBCs, some 2% are Brahmins, and precisely 13% Muslim criminals? This kind of pseudo-logic is one propagated by our 'intellectuals' (read commies). The argument goes - since everyone is equal, everyone is equally likely to commit a crime (as the women's rights advocates argue - every man is a 'potential rapist'). Since everyone is equally likely to commit a crime, the number of criminals who belong to a community should be proportional to its population (actually, these worthies would say "male population", but that would be blatantly sexist). Ergo, if a community has a higher 'representation' in the jails, it is being targeted. Conventional wisdom, don't you agree?

Unfortunately, this is just convenient wisdom. Anyone familiar with the criminal justice system will tell you that factors like a high level of education, fruitful employment, family support and a standing in the community all go a long way in keeping people away from crime. Therefore, communities that are less likely to foster these characteristics are more likely to have criminals amongst their midst, not to mention the fact that in this country, it is the rich that get away with murder while the poor pay for even the slightest crime.

So, yes, there is discrimination, but it is economic, not social. The State is targeting the poor, not the Muslims.

Cricket crazy? No, power drunk.

What can you say about the hours of debate the honourable members of parliament spent in discussing the Indian team's performance in SA? One way to look at it is that the honourable members are as crazy about Cricket as the rest of us. Another way to look at it is to think that the honourable members have conveyed the dismay(!) of the rest of us to the team. But in reality, it is nothing more than the honourable members being so drunk on power that they can't distinguish between national issues and notional ones. It is about them being so high on the power drug that they think they own all of Indian Cricket, simply because one very honourable member is the chief of the BCCI.

But why am I so angry? Well, it pisses me that my weekend-working-eye-drying-rsi-causing work is going to pay for these a*holes' power trips. It pisses me that when there are 260 million people starving, the rulers of the country have nothing better to discuss. Most of all, it pisses me that this is another intervention into the private space of the individual (or in this case, the team). What we'll have next is Ramdas Athavale criticising Rahul Dravid's fashion sense. And then criticising Aishwarya Rai's performance in a Bond movie (if and when she gets to it). And then, parliament will pass a resolution criticising Shah Rukh Khan for singing badly. And then...you get the idea.

But like everything else in this house of honour, this debate wasn't devoid of humour. Sharad Pawar with his cancer-eaten jaw talking about performance and Ambika Soni talking about sportsmanship(!) were both so much like Brutus talking about Roman democracy that I could only marvel at the similarities. But the icing on the cake was provided by the anti-Dalit, anti-performance Ramdas Athavale, who suggested that the only way out was to provide Dalit reservation in sport! Yeah, and then we can also amend cricketing rules so that Dalit batsmen don't have to walk until they are bowled thrice, we can amend the rules so that any bouncer bowled to a Dalit batsman will automatically add 5 runs to his score, and we can amend the rules so that every 5 balls a Dalit bowls, an opposition batsman must walk. See more of the consequences here.

No one is irreplaceable

Among the many urban legends governing the software industry, the one which has gained currency in recent times is the one about no engineer being irreplaceable. We've all seen it in action - many times, a lead developer quits in the midst of a project, and yet the project reaches fruitition. A manager may leave, but the project gets completed on time, on budget. In fact, a rather gory saying for this phenomenon, where you can simply replace an engineer by an other, is: "If your lead engineer gets hit by a truck, your project should still run on schedule."

However, is it true? Are engineers replaceable/dispensable?

I don't know. Years ago, the team lead, my mentor and guru for my first project suddenly quit. He was followed by two other senior members in the team. Now, all we had was a team of freshers, and the average experience of the team in that domain was around 6 months (down from around 2 years). Still, we pulled the project through. A couple of years later, two of my close friends left the team. The project went on as usual. Then, I quit, and there was still no material difference to the project - yes, people worked harder to make up for the loss of a teammate, but otherwise, to the external world, everything was hunky-dory. Since then, I've left two companies, and many people have left my place of work, and life went on as usual.

What this ignores though is the sociological aspect. In a well-jelled team, every team member has a place of his own - not just technologically or organizationally, but also sociologically. Invisible threads of trust, of emotional support, of friendship that take months to build are usually torn off when a person leaves. Those are harder to replace. When the seniors in my first project quit, the rest of us were able to take over the technical and organizational aspects quite well. The ten things that my mentor was responsible for, we split amongst the four (or five) of us. What we couldn't split (immediately) is the sense of confidence of having someone to turn to when we were in trouble. What we couldn't take over was the friendly smile that greeted us when we approached him with a problem. Ofcourse, with time, we built support structures of our own - which were again dismantled when people left.

I think this is the aspect of turnover that is largely ignored by companies. What thinks you? Use the comments link freely to express your opinions.

Technology notes Vol 1, Ed 2, Nov 06

Welcome to the second edition of Technology notes. This time we have:

* Peopleware

At the recently held Bangalore Book Fair, I got the opportunity to finally buy a book I'd been hunting for a long time. This book, called "Peopleware", written by Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister is a classic - something that can be compared with "The Mythical Man-month".

Now we've all heard about hardware, software, shareware, and even vapourware. So, what is peopleware? Well, it is about the only raw material that matters in the software world - people. It is all about how people must be managed, the kind of work environments that software companies must provide, and the kind of managers/senior leaders that you must have in the profession for a company to succeed.

A must read book for anyone, including those not in the profession. Nothing in the book is new - just uncommon, like common sense. Let me know (if you're in Bangalore), if you want to borrow the book.

* Pair programming

The first time I heard about pair programming, I laughed my heart out. My good friend Sathya who introduced the concept tried very hard, in his own inimitable way, to convince me about the worth of the concept. Nothing would make me budge...two programmers working on the same piece of code at the same time!? What crap! What about productivity? What about cost!? What about conflicts!? These were all questions I asked.

It is a different matter though, that later in my life, I actually wrote a paper on the benefits of pair programming! Even then, despite having officially pair-programmed more than a few times, I hadn't experienced the "Aha" moment - when I was convinced that pair programming helped me do a better job of something.

Around a month back, a manager at my workplace had a cool idea on some updates to a web-site that we host. Essentially, we were changing the rendering algorithm, and he asked if I would work with him on it. I agreed, and man, was it fun! The three hours we spent deciphering the existing code and tailoring his algorithm were probably the most productive hours I've spent in some time! And it was fun! We each complemented the other's skills, learnt from the others' approach to code, and finally came off with renewed respect for each other.

Now that is the "Aha" moment I was looking for. That is one of the biggest benefits of pair programming - building better teams.

Anyways, this is all for this edition. Keep visiting this space for more technical updates. Next time, I plan to write about user-interfaces and the general stagnation in the area.

See the previous edition of technology notes here:

Linguistic Abuse

The eternal bard once said "What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". Maybe true. But every word has a meaning. And to use a word in a manner as to distort its meaning is unfortunately, today's journalistic trend.

For example, take the word (phrase?) "high-tech". It stands for high-technology - which means technology of a certain calibre, a certain novelty, and a certain degree of precision, one that stretches the state-of-the-art in a field. How do our papers use the word? Well, simply, everything in the 'high-tech' (sic) city of Bangalore is high-tech. The bus-stand is hi-tech, even though it doesn't have proper water-proofing. The buses are hi-tech, even though they run on 80s technology. The government is hi-tech, even if it doesn't understand technology. Everything is hi-tech. Most vulnerable to this phenomenon is the New Indian Express - which is otherwise an excellent read.

Here is an other one. "Militant". Websters' defines "Militant" as someone who takes to arms for a selfless cause. A "terrorist", on the other hand, is one who "systematically uses terror as a means of coercion". So, are the terrorists in Kashmir working for a selfless cause? Or are they using terror to coerce the Indian government into accepting the two-nation theory? Well, if you go by the anchors, they are those fighting for a selfless, no doubt, secular, cause.

I'll add more as I remember them.

The biggest threat to India

Here is a pop quiz. In one word, what is the biggest threat to the security, development, and integrity of this country? Terrorism? No. Poverty? Not at all. So, is it fundamentalism? Nope. So, what is it?

Well, it is Communism. And communist control over premier educational institutions in the country. This in turn has led to their control over all of primary/secondary education, over most of the print and visual media, and over many influential institutions like the ICHR. As Ayn Rand, in her book, The Fountainhead, eloquently stated, this bunch of commies are not interested in 'physical' power. What they want is power over thought. Power over the minds of the people. They want to hold the levers to power, not power itself.

So, how do they accomplish this mind-control? By obfuscating facts. By telling lies. And by having acolytes back their lies. Here is an example: In today's "We the people", the debate was about "Health-care outsourcing". Barkha Dutt introduced a Bill-something from California who had come in to Fortis for treatment. He was obviously impressed with the world-class facilities and the low cost. Obviously. And two other truths are self-evident. Health-care outsourcing helps hospitals improve, it gets India more foriegn exchange, and it clearly benefits the patient. Now that the worthies cannot dispute these facts, the JNU-types on the show ask, "Who will do anything about the Indian Bills?". Point. But what does this have to do with the whole concept? Indian Bills cannot afford treatment because the government spends 1% of the GDP on healthcare, instead of 5-7% like the other countries, and even that 1% is not used effectively. It is not because the private hospitals treat foriegn patients. But the force with which these guys put it, the private hospitals are put in the dock, for no fault of theirs. And in this debate, you can be sure, there will be no mention of all the Pakistani kids who got treatments done here! BTW, if you treat a Pakistani, if you treat a Kashmiri terrorist, you are a national hero. If you treat an American, you are a blood-sucking vulture.

And this is typical. Praise a NarayanaMurthy for creating Infosys, and these worthies will say "Oh, it provides jobs to only 50,000 people." Praise the software industry for letting these worthies fly to other countries witout being treated as terrorists, and these will say "Oh, it is *just* a few million jobs." Praise the export sector for doing well, and these worthies will point to all those below the poverty line. But praise a Mao, praise a Stalin, praise a Caucescu - all butchers, and these a*holes will clap with you.

Disgusting. And if you haven't read these three books - Animal Farm, 1984 and The Fountainhead, I'll urge you to read them now. It is the duty of every citizen to see through the propaganda of these a*holes.

Much more typecasting

If you are one of those who is going to heave a huge sigh of anguish, you are not the only one. Yes, I know, I've ranted on and on and on about typecasting people. And I've admitted that I've been guilty of the same. So why am I blogging about it again!? Is there anything new I want to say about the topic? Well, not really, but it is surprising that even after I made my transition from C++ to C#, the typecast haunting continues, albeit in different forms, which is what I want to mention.

The underlying theme is the same. Being ever so slightly(!) on the plumper side of things, people are surprised that I ran the marathon. But what is most funny is when other people who throw run-time exceptions when typecasted, typecast you. Oh, you make jokes, so you can't handle serious! Oh, you don't believe in God, so you cannot enjoy classical music. Oh, you like the US, so you cannot enjoy Mohd Rafi. Oh, you speak ever so softly, so you cannot drive your Swift at over 100 kmph. What is worse is that when conversations steer to the above mentioned topics, I'm automatically classified as a liar, a futile boast, and what not.

Oh, well. The good thing is that I'm getting used to it. The bad thing is that I'm still guilty of typecasting. :)

Cell phone conversation

Those of you that know me in the real world know that I don't have a cellphone. Now, being without a cellphone in 21st century India puts one in funny situations at times. Here is one incident that happened when I had just joined my present job.

Receptionist (Opening a register of employee contact information): Sir, can I have your cellphone number...in case someone wants to contact you

Moi: No, sorry, I don't have a mobile phone

R (Incredulous look on his face): Sir, but we'll keep it confidential...won't give it to anyone

M: No, really, I don't have a mobile phone!

R: Sir, but we need it for our records...
(At this time a 'worker' walks in carrying a heavy case. He keeps it on a table nearby, fishes out a mobile from his pocket and dials...)

R: Sir, even *he* has a cell phone...

M (big smile on my face): Well, OK...what you mean by that!?

R: Sir, you *really* don't have a mobile?

M: No, *really*, I don't have a mobile...do you want to check my bags now to confirm it?

R: No...sir, sorry...

(Moi walks out of the door...the 'worker' suspiciously follows me out, staring at me most of the time...)

The biggest obstacle to Time travel

No, it is not grammar. Nor is it the 'Grandfather paradox'. Really. The biggest obstacle to time travel is the digital watch. After all, how can you turn back the hands of time when they don't exist?

Pseudo logic.

Earlier, I had posted a link to Michael Crichton's criticism of the SETI 'equation'. I came across more such pseudo-logic recently. And on no less than the Discovery channel.

I was watching this programme on Discovery where a 'researcher' is researching the death of Julius Caesar. He wants to know who killed him, and why. No problem with that. But how do you find out how many stab wounds a guy killed over 2000 years ago took without having access to his dead body? And of the 22 senators that are supposed to have plotted to kill him, whose knife dealt the death blow? And this lunatic even goes to the extent to say that not all stab wounds Caesar suffered were fatal. And he wants to do research to find out which ones were...how on earth do you do this!? He performs a 'simulation'. He has 22 guys trying to stab a single person, and apparently when they all tried together, not all the wounds that occurred were fatal! Geez!

This is the kind of thinking that pervades most of Indian life today. I'm subscribed to an orkut community on Calvin and Hobbes, on which someone posted a question wondering what Calvin's star sign was. Here is what is possibly the 'best' answer:

[quote]
he has to be an Aries..my guys an Aries...n he is no less than Calvin....n he adores him a lot...so gotta be Aries
[/quote]

What astounding logic! Calvin has to be an Aries, because 'her guy' is an Aries and he is adores Calvin. Haven't these people heard of 'evidence'? Or 'scientific enquiry'? (The second question was for the Caesarian idiot.)

Online literature

I found this site with some really cool books:
http://www.online-literature.com/

Also, visit the Distributed Proof readers page:
http://www.pgdp.net/c/

How to become an acclaimed Indian author

After Kiran Desai won the Booker this year, and the resounding success of leading lights like Anita Desai, Arun'dirty' Roy, and Kaavya Vishwanathan, I've been wondering: "What exactly does it take to become an acclaimed Indian author?" Well, here is what you need to do:

- Be of Indian origin. (Well, this one is a no-brainer.) At the least, fake it.

- Immigrate to the US, or to the UK. Or better still, have your parents immigrate when you are hardly speaking

- Write about one of the following topics:
* How your Grandmother was married off at 12
* How your mother (or yourself) was never allowed to date a guy
* How your grandparents arranged your parents' marriage
* How your grandfather always had the last word in everything
* How your grandmother, mother, aunts behaved
* How you never kissed a guy till you reached the US (or the UK)

- Now, praise the US and the UK for being the free societies they are, in which, thanks to the grace of the Lord merciful, you can actually kiss a guy! (Even if you are one!!!)

- Lambast western capitalism. Fly in business class to attend World Social (sic) Forum meetings to rant against the wealthy.

- Wait until the Guardian or the New York Post publishes a review of your work.

Lo and behold, in no time, you'll be one of the grand candidates for the Booker, the Nobel, or what have you.

Cosmos

Have you ever, as a child, slept on the roof of your home? I used to - there was a time when frequent power cuts in my locality during summer nights forced me to do so. Lying still in complete darkness, I used to stare up at the skies and wonder why the stars shone, why they didn't fall on my head, who made the splotches on the moon, whether you could stand on the clouds and a hundred other things. Later, as I learnt more about the solar system (through Flash Gordon comics, Russian magazines and books, and our own "Bala Vijnana"), my fondest dream was space travel.

I always dreamt of being "Scotty Scott" - the chief engineer of Star Trek. I'd be navigating my ship through the open vastness of space, then upon sighting the Milky Way, would swoop down to its outermost spiral, and then fly past Orion, be warmed by Proxima Centauri, and finally, see Pluto, Uranus and Neptune, before wondering at the rings of Saturn, the blazes of Jupiter's red spot, then announce to the crew to be prepared to gun down any asteroid that got too close, and finally, peek beside Mars to see a bluish-white Earth. I'd then announce to the crew that we were nearing home, and I'd then call "Hassan" - where the ISRO Master Control Facility is located, to guide me in, to land at, where else? HAL Airport! I knew then that my ambition in life was to become a space scientist, building FTL (Faster-Than-Light) ships, powered by anti-gravity.

Whew. If you're wondering why I'm delirious, let me say that this is the after-effect of reading Carl Sagan's "Cosmos". An extremely well-written book, Cosmos is a great mix of History, Science, and Philosophy - a most honest attempt to explain the human fascination with the Cosmos. Beyond the science though, Cosmos raises a few relevant questions regarding our fascination with God, our arrogance to imagine life as being mainly carbon-based, the importance of arousing scientific curiosity amongst children and also of the importance of democracy and free thinking in progress. The last point to me was most interesting. Sagan points out that all the societies that reached high levels of scientific sophistication were some form of democracies - ancient Greece, medieval Holland, today's America. While the evidence he supplies is rather sketchy, it is interesting to see that Tom Friedman, in his "The World is Flat" refers to modern India in the same vein. So, is that true? What do you think?

I'll write more about Cosmos and Carl Sagan's other book, Contact in the coming weeks. Oh, and if you haven't seen Star trek, you can see some pix, videos and get an overall picture of the series at: http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/index.html. Also,

To know more about Flash Gordon: Click here
To crib about today's comic books: Click here.
To know more about me space fantasises: heh heh. Keep visitin'.