- Be of Indian origin. (Well, this one is a no-brainer.) At the least, fake it.
- Immigrate to the US, or to the UK. Or better still, have your parents immigrate when you are hardly speaking
- Write about one of the following topics:
* How your Grandmother was married off at 12
* How your mother (or yourself) was never allowed to date a guy
* How your grandparents arranged your parents' marriage
* How your grandfather always had the last word in everything
* How your grandmother, mother, aunts behaved
* How you never kissed a guy till you reached the US (or the UK)
- Now, praise the US and the UK for being the free societies they are, in which, thanks to the grace of the Lord merciful, you can actually kiss a guy! (Even if you are one!!!)
- Lambast western capitalism. Fly in business class to attend World Social (sic) Forum meetings to rant against the wealthy.
- Wait until the Guardian or the New York Post publishes a review of your work.
Lo and behold, in no time, you'll be one of the grand candidates for the Booker, the Nobel, or what have you.